Shattered Dreams

The Heart of A Little Sister

It sucks when someone you love leaves this earth forever.

It becomes harder to cope each day with that silence that kills us.

It becomes a suffocating feeling when you’re drowning in your own tears.

When your heart feels like it is no longer pounding inside your chest.

When your most sincerest smile fades away at the sound of ones name. 

It’s hard when you know you wont ever see that persons face again.

 Dear Brother,

This is where I truly begin. Each passing day I try to ignore the fact that you’re gone. To lie to myself that everything is going to be ok. I’ve come to realize the terms of my fury, of the anger and hate that flows through my veins. Of the lie my life has turned out to be. Missing you dearly with every passing hour of every day. With every minute of every second. Over the year that I lost missing you, I know I’ll miss many more if I dont let go, but the silence within these walls makes the room sound as if it were shouting. I sometimes think that these walls can talk for I sometimes hear them.

The tears I cry each passing night are just a reminder that I am human, that I can feel, and I’m not cold. I know for once it was a silly move, to have the blade kiss each flowing vein within me. At the time death sounded but so peaceful. Day one, blood stain these sheets. Day two, wounds sealing on my arms. Day three, The scars begin to heal. Day four, the scars but barely fade away. When one you love is truly gone and you hear everyone else cries. You suddenly forget the sound of your own. 

The world suddenly stops spinning. When the family around you finds it easier to hate each other than themselves. When you look at then and see their smile but pain reflecting in their eyes. You suddenly remember the moves one has made to leave and move on. When your tears fall down the side of your cheek brushing lightly on your lips, with no taste of salt like the water at the beach. You realize that your tears are just wasted. When one is truly gone you’re only left with a memory and a single photograph. What does one do as the memory begins to fade, and you’re left with nothing but that photo? What do you do when the photo begins to fade? Do you fade along with it?

Brother you’re always with me, even when the sound of my voice gets dim. When my eyes don’t reflect with any sort of emotions. You’re always with me. Even when my body perishes and my soul joins yours, you’re always with me. When no stars illuminate the night sky I know you’re always with me. I understand that when one leaves this earth they are never to far away but remain close in the depth of our hearts when every name of every soul and every memory and every tear one has ever cried. In that ones heart is when one remains. Dear brother, I know with me you’ll always stay.

~Sincerely, Your Little Sister 

                               -Kimberly Denisse Rodriguez-

Broken Reflection

I’m a tumble weed in the wind.
A soul caving in.
A wave of emotions.
Everytime that I’m pinned.
Mistreated and abused.
No one can fill these shoes.
I dare one to try.
But don’t come to me when you cry.
I feed off of love, even if it’s selfish.
I hold on tightly never giving in.
Always trapped in darkness.
Finally breaking free.
Yet everytime I’m silent.
I still feel like screaming.
A brother far gone.
Where I can’t reach him.
The others far away.
Still Them I’m missing.
A sister who needs help.
A little one thats does too.
We all are hurting.
But what can we do?
A mother in addiction.
A father dieing slow.
My faith is all I’m keeping.
Family can’t even hold.
A grandmother who is crying.
For a pain only she knows.
Yet I see all this.
And I still want to go.
My exterior is strong.
And inside I’m dieing.
A false smile is shineing.
While my spirit is crying.
I lift my hands on high.
And fall to my knees.
I pray to the lord.
To have mercy please.
He knows that I’m honest.
With a pure heart of gold.
Yet still here I’m waiting.
As my fate unfolds.
My pillow soaks wet.
From the tears I do cry.
Cause no one truly knows.
What I hide inside.
My mind is at war.
With those who try to enter.
I fight back quickly.
Only for the better.
My voice is shaky.
From all my waste of singing.
This heart is hurting.
For a family that’s breaking.
I feel like I’m stuck.
Like there’s nowhere to go.
Afraid to make my move.
Cause I’m afraid to know.
Vacancy in my heart.
No one I’ve let in.
I thought that I did.
But I was mistaken.
My life has had it’s ups.
It also had it’s downs.
I lift my head proudly.
Without showing a frown.
So even when I’m sad.
Or bout to even cry.
At least I can say.
That I’m safe deep inside.
Although I am broken.
Someone can repair.
The damage left by another.
They’ll hold me when I’m scared.
So I’ll do what I do.
And keep my charade going.
Act as if I don’t care.
When I am clearly hurting.
So change your veiw on me.
I am human just like you.
When I smile and you see.
That there’s nothing I can do.
I am faced with my own demons.
Still I know I can pull through.
Theres a pained deep expression.
That I can overdue.
The lord is my armor.
For he stands at my side.
Therefore I am never scared.
Cause he shines the light.
Now that you see.
What I truly am.
Do not judge me.
I do what I can.
So please let me be.
Don’t tell me I’m wrong.
You are who you are.
This is where I belong.
I don’t need time.
I don’t need attention.
I simply only want.
To heal my broken reflection.

God’s Angel

These broken wings, beyond broken things. She was helpless beyond all means. An angel fell from heaven now she can’t fly. Night after night she stares at the sky. Wishin she could, now she cries. No love on earth, broken inside. She feels the need to runaway. But where to, she know’s she can’t stay. Her hands quiver in so much fear. For all the disaster that is real near. She hears each cry, sees each tear. One thing she want’s is for love to be here. Broken wings now she cant fly. If you listen closley, you’ll hear her lullaby.  A voice so calm it soothes the soul. Forever calming, yes we know. Each night, she runs near the water. She prayed and called out to her father. At that moment the skies broke free. She heard gods voice and what he had to say. Dear angel, dont be afraid. You will be home one day. The angel cried and simply replied. Dear father, I’m dieing inside. She could feel gods sadden expression. Dear angel, you’ve learned each lesson. Do not fret my dear child. You’ll be home, after a while. She weeped and continued to cry. Dear father, I can no longer fly. My wings are far from broken. I can’t mend them, its like their frozen. The lord could see his angel was hurting. Yet he knew she would save the world from burning. Dear angel, dont be afraid. You’ll return to me someday. As of now you can not.
I fear without you the world will rot. In this moment she listened closely.
Dear father, I hear what you say. Yet still its a harsh price to pay. I have heard, and seen each cry. It saddens my heart, kills me inside. Each prayer that goes out to you. Father I have heard them too. If you say this world will fall to destruction. Then father I seek your instructions. God replied in more than a whisper. Dear angel, the world is a sinner. I will be with you every step of the way. So for this moment I need you to stay. You will carry out my teachings. You will do all the preaching. So dear angel do not feel lost. I will stand by you at all cost. So please my angel dont be scared.
I will always, always, be there. At this moment she finally could see. That the world was in need of healing. She heard what god had to say. She fell to her knees and continued to pray. Dear father, I will do as you say. Do not forget me, I’ll return one day. When this world is healed, the skies no longer grey. I will reach for the sky and fly again. At this moment the sky did clear. Suddenly the had no more fears. She dried her eyes, wiped her tears. She knew that her place was here. She set off to do as she was told. Her mission; to save the world.

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